Other people's children

I wasn't with my own kids this weekend as I flew to Gisborne to attend my aunt's wedding (to Mike who she has been with for 15 years). G and the littlies dropped me at the airport, Bax crying that he wanted to go on the plane and see GAS (Great Aunt Sheridan) and Apple Mike (Uncle Mike) - but poor BAx, it was just me who stepped onto the tiny 20 seat plane and zipped through the clouds, down the coast to Gissy.

100 people at the wedding - lots of family and lots of old friends I have known since I was a little kid and my aunt lived out the back blocks on the East Coast. There were a few kids but most people, like me, had left the brood at home and were letting their hair down and cutting the rug.

As with most weddings it was sandwiched between two days (Friday and Sunday) of family meals, so I did get to see my cousins in action as parents which was very interesting.

I have three cousins, two of them have kids. Jacob has Kate (2) and Mim has Bree (5) and Lucy (1 and a half). My father Simon has a four year old, Maddy. Also, Apple Mike has a grandson called Luca who is 3 and a half months, son of Daphne, who is really a cousin too now that Apple Mike and GAS are married!.

Wow.

The first thing I noticed was that family politics do trickle down to the littlies and all the adults don't seem to notice because they are so busy defining, adjusting, and manouvering their own relationships. Who wont' play with whom. Who has better toys. Who can stay up later. Whose antics get the biggest laughs. All these things really matter (to all of us!).

The second thing I noticed was that if you give them long enough all the troughs and rises seem to even out and they all just get on with playing. The problem is that these family things only ever last a very short time and we only have them once a year at the very most, so the evening out only happens an hour before everyone is packed into cars and driven in opposite directions.

The wedding itself saw Bree dancing and singing, and acting as ring bearer. Kate trying to get a little of the lime light on the stage but being manouevered stage right by Bree. Maddy sitting politely on the steps but talking to her mum in the front row during the serious bits of the service. Lucy sleeping through the whole thing, only getting up at the very end to delight everyone with her hilarious facial expressions and funny "I just learnt how to walk" walk. Luca sitting in his daddy's arms while he, Luca's mum, aunt and uncle sang acappella.

I can't help but wonder what Izzie and Bax would have added to the mix. In some ways I wish I had had them there to show them off; but then again, they are so precious and innocent that I'm glad I could enjoy the politics and drama without having to pull them into it too. Tt is so easy to get on your high horse and tut tut tut when no-one has the chance to observe and opin about you as a parent. And, it's so nice to watch people who knew as children parenting their own children who are so like them, doing the same things, playing the same games. Ah families, round and round and round we go.